all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
