I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
