The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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