Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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