My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
