When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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