i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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