were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
