remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
