I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just threw up on my dentist
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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