So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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