Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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