the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
