He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
