I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
