I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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