Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
