i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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