Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
