When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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