I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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