Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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