He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
