i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
