and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
