how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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