At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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