He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
