how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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