i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
