Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
