I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish I only lived at night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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