They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As shirtless as possible
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
FUCK WHALES
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
