Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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