do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
