her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
