I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
