I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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