if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
