Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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