Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
