Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
