Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
