I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
