My Higher Power is John Stamos
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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