Where is the hickey?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
