I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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