sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.