sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out