What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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