Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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