so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
