My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
