Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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