omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize