I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
