Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
