I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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