and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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