Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize