I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
